Chapter Three: Never Date A Heterosexual Part Two

Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  Just my luck, I find this AMAZING guy and he has a girlfriend.  It takes me awhile to respond, and all that I can seem to muster is…”Oh...uh…I don’t care.”  We kiss again.  This time it’s for a longer period of time.  He again pulls away and says, “No I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I can’t.” Damn.  But just to get off the topic of said girlfriend, I suggest we get out of the car to meet the girls.  As we are walking he says to me “You have a strong back.”  Wait…What? I respond with a confused “Thank you?...” and he says, “well when we were kissing, I felt your back and you have a really strong one.”…Yeah I know, what the hell do you say to that?  I mean is that a compliment?  I think it is.  If it is, he sure knows how to win my heart.  “You have a strong back.”  That’s like saying my elbow gives him heart palpitations.  Ok, maybe not as bad, but equally not as flattering.

            We meet up with the girls, which surprisingly, doesn’t last long, and decide to call it a night.  As I drove him back to the Gunther Toody’s parking lot, I can’t help thinking “Now what?”  And just as I make the executive decision to not let this thing go past tonight, he does something that completely surprised me.  As I was driving, he grabbed my hand and held it.  This I found to be very odd because one, he had a girlfriend, and two because I was driving a stick shift and that turns into a complicated mess in the hand holding department.  But regardless of my constant change of gears (and his) we held hands all the way to his car.  Now just as he was about to get out of the car he turned to me and surprised me more than a simple hold of the hand.  He said, “Let me kiss you.  Don’t kiss me back, but just let me kiss you on my own.”  And he did.  And then he walked out of the car to his truck.

            Well wasn’t I in a pickle.  Here I was thinking that it wasn’t going to go past that night, and he leaves me with that.  Of all things!  Couldn’t he have just said, “See you pal.”? Like any other straight male?!  Is that what the straight guys are saying nowadays? I don’t understand their language.  But I mean, damn, why did he have to end the night like that.  I was hooked, and it wasn’t a good thing. 

Over the course of the next couple weeks, I constantly had this guy on my mind.  What was I going to do?  How was I going to do it? (Ugh. Boys).  Josh and I would text or call each other almost every day, but our conversations never really went anywhere.  I think it was because neither him nor I knew what to do with this situation.  So we just talked with each other.  We hung out a couple times (always in a group) and things just got more and more confusing.  He would do random things like grab my leg under a table, or kiss me when I least expected it.  Once while watching a movie, he fell asleep with his head on my lap as I stroked his hair.  I know, barf right? All of this was great, but not very helpful at untangling my confusion and my emotions.

            Weeks after Josh and I met, came a party.  Now don’t judge me, but in high school I liked to party, which turned out to be good for me because I don’t really do much of it anymore.  But there came a party that Ana and I were going to (or throwing but I’m not admitting to anything) and I decided to invite Josh along.  After much pleading, he decided to come.  Now usually with these parties, we would all stay the whole night at personwhoshallnotbenamed ‘s house, so I was kind of nervous to see what was going to happen.  But Lord only knows what Jeremy will do when filled with Bacardi Raz.  Now I was plenty tipsy by the time Josh arrived but I remember it very clearly.  He walked in wearing faded blue jeans, a plaid shirt, and a plaid hat.  Before I knew it, the butterflies arrived.  All through the night was endless flirting between the two of us, and suddenly Josh and I and two other girls (who were so not important in my life that I cannot remember their names) were in a bedroom alone together.  We were all pretty drunk when Josh kissed me, very long and very passionately.  But then to my dismay, he stopped and turned and kissed one of the girls, and then the other.  Because I was too drunk to really notice, this situation kept happening over and over again, and I really didn’t know how to feel about it.  I mean I felt hurt, but I also felt excited because Josh always included me.  Always kissed me the longest, but still I felt emotional.  As the night died down, Josh fell asleep on the bed, and the two girls fell asleep in another room.  He told me to lay down with him, so I did and then we fell asleep.  Two hours later, I woke up alone.  I got up, walked out of the room and into the next and found Josh kissing one of the two girls.  I was stunned.  I didn’t know what to do.  Josh turned, saw me, and came right up and kissed me, but this time I pulled away.  I walked straight down the hallway, out the door and began walking.  I had no clue where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there.   I was so angry, so hurt, so confused but had no understanding on why.  I mean did I really expect to have something with Josh? And as I walked I began to cry.  I cried because I was confused.  I didn’t want to feel this way.  I didn’t want to feel betrayed or feel like someone had that much control of my emotions, but that is exactly what was happening.  I walked for about two blocks (at this point it was about 5am) and suddenly a truck came up beside me and there he was.  Josh had followed me and told me to get in the truck.  Obviously at this point I had wiped all the tears away to cover my tracks of emotion, and he grabbed my hand and asked very sweetly “Hey, what’s wrong?”  I know, I know, how stupid can this guy get to ask me that question?  I just turned to him and said, “Listen, you have to understand that I like you, a lot.  And I know you are confused about a lot of things but you need to realize at the end of the day, that I have feelings.  I’m not just someone you can toy around with.  And it’s not ok to put me or your girlfriend through this, so you need to make a decision.”  He responded with, “I’m sorry, you know I like you, but I’m still so confused.  Please just give me another chance to figure things out.” Though I shouldn’t have, I agreed and he drove me back and slept with me all night and held me.  I never went to bed.  I stared at the wall until morning broke through the window.

            The next morning we said our goodbyes with a kiss, but I still had this horrible feeling in my stomach.  Turns out Josh, Ana, and Elle were all working the morning shifts that day and so we agreed to all meet up afterwards.  I had the whole day off to recap my feelings of the night before with a sober attitude.  Then something came to my mind.  What about his girlfriend?  Beth I think her name was.  I mean, how would she feel about what had been going on with Josh?  She would be heartbroken.   For the first time, I really truly thought about her, and felt bad for her.  Felt bad that she didn’t and probably never would know what had been happening behind her back.  I felt awful. 

            Later that day, we stuck to the plan and all met up to go to the park.  I was truly blinded by Josh’s charm.  I mean it was so hard for me to be upset with him, when he knew exactly what to say or do to give me such a feeling in my stomach.  I think a part of it was that I loved the attention.  I was so dumbfounded that someone so good looking and so out of every other gay mans reach was interested in me.  It made me finally feel special, even if it was in the wrong way.  We were walking to the park with the girls a couple yards ahead of us (out of ear shot) and I decided to ask Josh to hang out, just the two of us, so I could see what all this was about.  His response, “ Oh I’m sorry I can’t I have plans tonight.  I’m taking my girlfriend out for our anniversary.”  Ouch.  That one stung deep.  What was worse was the way he said it, like it was no big deal.  I became very quiet and pretty unsocial, and because the lesbians started to fight like two cats fighting over the last bite of tuna, we headed to the nearest house.  Mine.

            While the two girls were ranting in a room, I decided to get to the bottom of this.  I simply asked, “Josh, why are you doing this?  I mean why are you leading me and your girlfriend on?”  He responded with “I’m not trying to, I mean I like you I really do, I love spending time with you, but…I love my girlfriend and I know I’m going to marry her.” Double Ouch. “…But I do like you and I do want to continue on with what we have.”  He then kissed me, the way he always did.  Slow, passionate and full of so much meaning.  He said, “ You really are so special to me.”  And he kissed me again.  We sat for along time on the couch with my head on his chest.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.  I was so confused.  I wanted him so badly but he basically told me I would never have him.  I had no clue on how to handle this situation until he spoke next by saying, “Well, I have to go.  Beth is waiting.”  As I walked him to the door, I took him, kissed him and said “Goodbye” and closed to the door.  To him I was just walking him out, but to me I really was “closing the door”.  I locked it and I cried.  I never called him again.  The worst part of it is…he never tried to call me either.

            Weeks went on, and after hours of watching "The Notebook" and crying, I put Josh in the back of my mind and kept him there.  Funny thing is, when Steve found out about Josh and I (meaning when he found out we were dating) he stopped talking to me.  And when I stopped calling Josh, suddenly Steve and Josh became best friends.  So I had lost a good friend and a guy.  Great.  The last time I saw Josh was at a party of a mutual friends.  He came in, and said “Hello” and I gave him a polite “Hello” back.  All night he kept on trying to start up conversations with me, but I simply ignored him.  I could see that I hurt him, but I didn’t care.  The next day I received a phone call from Josh, but I didn’t answer it.  He did leave a message that said, “Hey Jer, um…I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry.  I don’t know what happened, one minute we were great, and the next you stopped calling me.  It really upset me.  I didn’t know what to do.  Just know that I care about you ok?  Yeah, I guess that’s it…bye.”  I never called him back and I never spoke to him again.

            Life went on, as it always seems to, but I never forgot about Josh.  I probably never will.  I even tried once to contact him via MySpace (yep I’m old) but because I had an overprotective boyfriend at the time and Josh really didn’t have anything to say to me, I never heard from him.  He is a big disappointment in my life though, not because of what he put me through but really because how it ended.  I still feel bad because nothing was ever really resolved.  I mean, I never really ended it with him; it just kind of ended itself.  I still think about him sometimes.  Not in the way I did back then, but with the fact that I wish I could talk to him now to close that chapter, to let him know that I am fine and to find out if he is fine also.  I want him to know that I don’t hate him.  I was young and fell head over heels but I don’t hate him. I don’t know how I will ever do that, hell, I don’t even know if he will even admit to knowing me, or really even caring that he had known me.  But I do know one thing.  He made an impact on my life, he taught me that there are people out there who will hurt you, but it’s always important to know that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for.  Be true to yourself and don’t get walked all over.  If he ever reads this, he will know it’s about him, and if you ever do Josh, I have one thing to say to you.  I don’t hate you.

Chapter Two: Never Date A Heterosexual Part One.

So probably one of my best stories in this book is also one of the most heartbreaking.  Don’t get me wrong, as you continue on in this book you will find that there are some truly heartbreaking moments when it comes to my relationships.  However, when all is said and done, this particular story sticks out very strongly in my mind, mostly because it was never really resolved or closed.  It is actually the story that inspired me so long ago to write this book, but until now I hadn’t had enough stories to fill a whole book.  Well hold on to your britches bitches.  It’s about to get real, REAL fast.  But, here is the story that started it all.

            Like I mentioned earlier, my high school was very small, and there weren’t a lot of gay males (or at least OUT gay males) to necessarily catch my eye, so my time was mostly spent with again my dear friend Ana and my other friend Steve, whom we convinced out of the closet (long story).  But the three of us, as well as Ana’s girlfriend would hang out almost every night, obviously being very secretive so the parents wouldn’t catch on to what the girls were doing.  Now my mother knew full well about what was going on.  My mother is amazing, she was the first person I ever came out to and she has been nothing but supportive in all of my life, from career choice to boys to everything.   A special shout out to you mom.  The best fag hag I’ve ever had.

ANYWAY... Ana and Steve both worked at this ‘50s themed diner called Gunther Toodys, and once their shifts were done at night we would often times hang out.  But every day at school they were constantly talking about this new guy Josh who worked there and how he was so hot and so nice and this and that, but they were so upset because he was straight.  Ugh straights…I mean don’t get me wrong, you straights are very nice people and I accept you for who you as long as you keep your immoral lifestyles away from me.  Just kidding.   But all I heard was “Josh this…” and “Josh that…” and “Josh is so funny…” blah blah blah blah spank me.  Now for some odd reason, whenever I were to stop by the Toodys, Josh wouldn’t be working, so it was quite awhile before we actually met.  Until one ill-fated night.

            Ana and Steve both had just finished working and called me up asking if I wanted to hang out.  I of course said yes and they said they were going to bring Josh with them because they were going to drop him off at home after they picked me up.  I remember exactly what I was wearing.  A baby blue and navy striped button down shirt (freshly ironed and starched-I was a little OCD in high school and fell in love with starch) a pink t-shirt underneath, faded light blue jeans, and a pair of white and blue tennis shoes, all this accompanied with my glasses.  Now I wasn’t dressing up for this guy, I just like looking nice.  Steve’s car pulled up and I hopped into the front seat (Ana and Josh) were in the back.  I turned around to introduce myself and immediately realized what the fuss was about.  Before me lay one of the most attractive people that had come into my life.  Blue eyes, light brown hair,  great body, and a smile that gave me goose bumps.   WOW.  With maybe just a hint of a shocked look on my face, I composed myself and introduced myself.  We exchanged hellos and headed to drop Josh off at home.  I suddenly became very aware of myself and what I was doing and what I was saying, trying not to look or sound like a fool.  After a little drive (Josh ended up not living too far from me) we pulled up to drop him off.  Ana then asked Josh if he happened to have any medicine for a headache and Josh invited her inside with him to get something.  Steve and I suddenly became school girls and chatted all about Josh.  Steve clearly had a big crush, and apparently…so did I.  Ana quickly returned and we were off.  We had nowhere to go but just continued to drive, but all throughout the drive I realized that Ana was giving me a very weird look, as if she was trying to get my attention.   We stopped at a gas station and Steve went into pay.  Suddenly Ana had…how do you call it…word vomit.  From what I can remember this is how it went. “ Ok so I have to make this fast so Steve doesn’t hear, but when I went into Josh’s house he suddenly brought you up saying he has never, EVER been attracted to a guy EVER but he thought that you were the most attractive guy he has ever seen!” Pause as Ana’s face is lit up with excitement.  And I stammer, “What?!?”  Suddenly Steve enters the car and all conversation ends.  All through out the night, since Ana and I don’t have a moment alone together, I’m lost in my thoughts.  What does this mean?  What could it mean? Why did a straight boy fall for me? ME?! Of all people?! Do I have some sort of magic ability?  The night ends and Ana walks me to my door. She tells me that Steve is not working the next night but herself and Josh are, and that her girlfriend Elle and I should come in after their shift.  Though I feel bad because Steve clearly has feelings for this guy, I agree to come because I not only think Josh is extremely attractive, but a part of me feels special to be noticed.

            The next night after their shift, Elle, Ana, Josh and I all sit at a booth.  Ana and Elle on one side, Josh and I on the other.  We all make small chat, and its clear and obvious that Josh and I are flirting…Major.  He will make a joke, I’ll laugh even if its not funny and he’ll nudge me with his elbow.  He even grabs my cell phone that I keep on the table and puts his home and cell number in my phone himself and says, "Just in case."  Then I bring out one of my tests.  I have a series of tests to check and see if someone is interested in me.  With this one, I slowly creep my knee under the table until it is touching his.  If he pulls away, he is not interested.  If he doesn’t he is.  Ok I know its stupid but it’s all I had.  But it works. He doesn't pull away  

Suddenly Ana has a brilliant plan, we should all go to this place called The Promenade (a place with shops, restaurants, and a movie theatre-a big high school hang out) but unfortunately and coincidentally Elle wants to take her car but there is only room enough for two, and she says, “Why don’t you and Josh come in your car, and meet us there?”  Thank you Ana.  We agree to meet there and the girls surprisingly take off rather quickly, while I wait until Josh grabs his bag.  We get in my car and take our time to get there, we make small talk about schools we go to, the weather, likes and dislikes, and suddenly we are in the dark parking lot of The Promenade.  Instead of getting out, we chat for a long time, flirting all the way.  Out of pure instinct, I put my arm on the back of his seat and let my fingers rest on his shoulder.  He looks at me and smiles.  I smile back. He ever so slowly, moves in and kisses me.  I have never felt sparks like that before.  Time stops moving. Within a matter of minutes we are feverishly making out in my mothers car.  Sorry mom.  This is awesome.  I don’t know why but the whole him being “straight” thing is a real turn on.  We go at it for about 10 minutes, getting more and more into it when suddenly he stops and says, “Wait, wait, wait…I can’t do this I’m sorry.”  Damn.  I knew this was too good to be true.  I respond with, “I’m really sorry.” And he says “Oh no! It’s not you!  I like you…I mean I really like you and I think you are so attractive, it’s just that…” Pause.  I wait, thinking of a million things that could be wrong.  He finally spits out, “Its just….that... I have a girlfriend.” To be continued…

Chapter One: Salsa and Disappointment

            The first and probably the shortest part of this book starts with Seth.  Seth was the first guy I ever went out on a date with.  Now lets get this straight, it is not the first guy I have crushed on or “experimented” with, but I consider his part of my story important because he was at the beginning of my mission to have a relationship.  Here is how it began.

            I had recently been out of the closet to certain people at my school and I was on a mission.  I wanted a boyfriend.  Hands down. The end.  Get me started.  So naturally in a suburb of oh so “gay friendly” Colorado, my only option was to be set up on a blind date.  Because lets face it, with a class of 35 graduates, when I was in high school I was the only gay.  Well not the only one, but because I wasn’t completely out I didn’t want to date someone from my school.  I wanted excitement and someone new.  I was ready.  After numerous attempts of meeting guys online. NOT RECOMMENDED.  My dear friend Elle and her girlfriend Anastasia (Sorry I’m not good at this whole disguising names thing but I love that movie,) decided to help me find a boyfriend and whoever it was, we were to go on a double date. For protection.   Now my two lesbian best friends had a complicated relationship.  Lets see if I can do this quickly.  Elle’s mother was psycho and when Elle was out and dating Anastasia her mother basically pushed her back in the closet and told her she was never allowed to see Anastasia again.  Her mother was under the impression we were dating.  Anastasia had a mother who was EVEN MORE of a psycho who basically did the same thing with added craziness and was also under the impression that her and I were dating.  Anastasia also had two brothers who were her mothers’ henchmen who reported everything to their mother.  So Elle and Anastasia had a secret relationship and I had two unwanted girlfriends and no boyfriends. Lovely. That should be a lifetime movie entitled “Two Girls One Gay.”

Eventually since Elle had gone to several other schools, through friends she had found someone to set me up with.  She gave me his number and we started to talk through text message and on the phone and through email.  He seemed like an ok  guy, sweet, inquisitive, clearly a bottom (something I had not quite figured out yet) and we set up a time in which him and the girls and I could go out on a double date.  I chose the restaurant.  The Armadillo.  I LOVE Mexican food, so if I am still single by the time this book is out…boys add it to the list of qualifications you MUST have.  So we decided to go out to dinner and basically to see where it went from there and to see exactly how the night would go.  Keep in mind that I have never met the guy.  So after our very well planned out and very rehearsed maneuvers of picking up Anastasia in my car, saying hello to the folks, driving to Elle’s, dropping Ana (Anastasia is way too long to write, but not as long as this explanation of why I’m using Ana instead of Anastasia, story of my life) off at the corner, parking at Elle’s, saying hello to her mother and then taking her mother’s van, then picking up Ana on the corner again, we were off.  Now let’s keep in mind, this was technically my first date so I had gone ALL out.   At that time I was just getting used to my new body (yes I used to be a fat kid) and so I had purchased this brand new outfit that consisted of blue jeans, a mustard yellow t-shirt, a maroon track jacket, and maroon and white shoes.  Thank you American Eagle!! I was ready!  Now, apparently this kid had not told his parents he was gay yet so again even though I was the only fully open homosexual to my family, we had to meet the parents as if Elle and I were dating and we were going on a double date with Ana and Seth.  Let me explain about Elle. Um….how do I put this lightly.  Elle was what you can call NOT a lipstick lesbian, meaning she looked more like a boy then a girl, and me standing at the door in my super gay outfit, either Seth’s parents were completely stupid or in denial.  But they let us in with cheerful hellos and told us Seth would be right down.

The minute Seth stepped out on to the top of the stairs I knew this wasn’t going to go well.  First off he was wearing super tight, female jeans. Fail. Paired with these jeans was a bright pink button down shirt.  All this accompanied by a very feminine man bag.  Now let me talk about his face.  Now before you go further I would like to say that I am NOT a shallow person.  I believe on looking on what is inside rather than the outside, however when there is something, lets say…very noticeable on someone’s face, you tend to not be able to stop looking at it.  Make sense? No? Ok well let me just get to the point.  Did you ever see the movie Austin Powers Goldmember?  If you have you probably know what I’m going for….yep that’s right.  There was a giant mole on his face.  Now I’m fine with moles but it was really big. Like REALLY big.  And before I could do a rendition of Mike Myers saying “Moley, Moley, Moley, Moley…” We were out the door to the good ole Armadillo.  The date was not a success.  For one thing I could not stop looking at it. I’m sorry Okay?! You would look too if you were there.  But it wasn’t his addition to his face that made it bad; the date was just not a success.  From him eating all the chips and salsa (NOT OK in my book, unless its me eating them all), to his very high pitched voice and super homosexual hand gestures, to the fact that he would not stop touching me under the table. MOLEY. I was miserable.  Finally the meal was over and we hopped in the Lesbian Mobile, but because I was unable to get one of the girls alone, I could not say our secret word that this wasn’t going well….ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! (Ok maybe it was too obvious of a word).  So instead of taking Seth immediately home, someone had the bright idea to go to the park, and since the girls were trying to make this the best date ever Seth and I were left alone on a bridge.  He then tried to hold my hand. I pulled it away. MOLEY. He grabbed it again.  I pulled it away again. MOLEY. He grabbed it and held on. (Apparently he took this situation as me playing hard to get).  He then pulled me closer…and closer…and closer….and then right before he was going to make a move (MOLEY), I brought out my secret weapon.  A fake sneeze.  I’m really good at them and it was the perfect maneuver to pull away.  At that point I said “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry…allergies….cough…cough…weez…” MOLEY. I grabbed my phone and said “Oh no! It’s so late, my mom is going to kill me!” Not true.  My mom was probably not even worried, probably watching The Amazing Race.  But I said we had to go, and we all piled in the Mystery Machine and got to Seth’s house. Longest and most awkward drive of my life. We pulled up to the house and to be polite I said "Wow, I had a really great time, we should do this again." (Don't act like you have never used that line). He energetically agreed and I thought it was only right to give him a hug.  But right when I was pulling away from the hug, the sneaky bastard grabbed my head and brought his lips to mine.  You know when you have a really energetic dog and you come home from work and they basically force their face on you and attack it with their mouth and tongue?  Yep...that in a nut shell is what happened.  I almost choked to death. I finally got over the shock and used every tiny muscle I have in my body to pull away from his grip.  I managed to spit out "Uh, OH WHOA.....we are...um...moving way too fast." He giggled like a geisha and ran out of the van.  With a look that probably resembled someone watching a snake eat a kitten, I began driving and stopped at the next stop sign, opened my door and spit for a good minute. In that instance I made sounds that said kitten made when hacking up a hair ball.  Elle from the back seat asked, “What’s wrong?” To which I glared back at them in the back seat and replied,  “He tastes like salsa and disappointment.”  I drove off, and after repeat calls for weeks after, I never spoke to him or his mole again.  

"One...Simple Explanation"

      As a musical theatre performer and lover, my life is often times reflected of a musical.  Whether it’s a sad moment like “Memory” from Cats or a “go getter” type of attitude like “Don’t Rain on My Parade” from Funny Girl.  So, naturally, in the end the best title of my book had to be “What I Did For Love: The Guys Down The Line.” (thank you A Chorus Line!).  Because one constant “issue” in my life since the wee age of 16 is my guy issues. Ok boys calm down.  If you know me and I have been ever so lucky to get this book published and you are standing in line for my book signing saying to yourself “Uh-oh….am I one of those guys??” let me ease your mind.  You are probably right. But because I don’t want any legality issues I changed all your names to protect the “innocent”.  But you know who you are, and before you run to me screaming that I’m a liar and that’s not how you remember it, remember this: these are my stories and what I was going through at the time.   But since this book not only shows your faults but also MINE, so people will probably believe me over you. So suck it up, because this is my book.

            What do we do for love?  That is the big question.  I mean we tend to loose ourselves so much when it comes to relationships that we end up forgetting who we are.  It is very unhealthy and it is my life.  If you know A Chorus Line you know that one of the best songs (in my opinion) is “What I Did For Love.” (yes in the show they are talking about dancing and their careers and what they would do if they had to stop dancing and how they would feel…blah blah blah “my life’s so hard) but the words took on a separate meaning for me. Shall we?  (If technology were crazy cool you would just push a button and the song would play……oh wait I had those books as a kid the one with the Disney (copyright??) Princess’...oo oo I love Sleepy Beauty, she is my favorite princess, and I had a book that played Once Upon a Dream….this is not one of those books….maybe it should be! That would be so cool! I…….oh sorry I’m getting off track.)

Kiss today goodbye

The sweetness and the sorrow

Wish me luck, the same to you.

But I can’t regret

What I did for love, what I did for love.

Look my eyes are dry

The gift was ours to borrow

It’s as if we always knew

And I won’t forget what I did for love

What I did for love.

Gone

Love is never gone

As we travel on,

Love’s what we’ll remember

Kiss today goodbye

And point me towards tomorrow

We did what we had to do

Won’t forget, can’t regret

What I did for love,

What I did for love……

And so on and so forth.  But as I traveled on the NYC subway after one of my many heartbreaking breakups (You know who you are because you are what inspired me to write this book…more about him later,) I listened to those lyrics and thought “Wow that really describes my life.”  Because you do so much for love and you never lose that love but once you move on to the next love you never forget the last.  So this is why my book is titled what it is.  This is basically a collection of “stories” if you will of the guys good and bad (or both) who came in and out of my life with a very strong impact.  Strong enough to receive a section of this book.  There have been so many men that I have given my heart to that I am surprised there is anyone left to give it to.  Hopefully, by the time I finish this book there will actually be a true love I have found. Very unlikely but hey I hope for the best! In the end there is always Zeke (my min pin/yorkie mix).  He will always be my true love.  So ladies and gentleman (both in this book or not) hold on to your hats, please keep your hands, feet, and loose articles inside the car at all times and remember to have fun.  We know you have a choice when you fly, and we thank you for choosing Lagunas Air!  Ok I’m getting off track again… So without further delay I present to you “What I Did For Love: The Guys Down The Line.”

Sincerely Yours,
Jeremy Michael Lagunas